Amazon's Breakthrough Novel Award

I have finished rewording my pitch for the ABNA, and I am going to try not to think about it anymore. I think I have gone through at least twelve rewrites this week. The mistake was when Amazon said you can edit your work after you enter until the final entry date, which is tomorrow February 7. So every night this week--except last night--I have been rewriting. I have gotten feedback from students, from writing friends, from Mara (poor Mara), and I have consulted several online sources as well as the books I have. I am sick to death of my pitch, but I think this last version is the strongest. Opinions?

PITCH:
Sixteen-year-old Martin’s life was once normal. Now he lives in a world where dads die, mothers turn into demons, girlfriends are kidnapped, and no one can be trusted. Here, There Be Draugr is a young adult thriller filled with action and dark fantasy, which also confronts the real issues of becoming an adult.

When Martin discovers his mother staring mutely into the distance and chewing on her own fingers, he knows something is terribly wrong. A stranger named Brett Roman says Martin’s mother is turning into a Scandinavian demon called a draugr, Martin thinks he is crazy. But his mother’s transformation into a yellow-eyed, pale-skinned monster makes him believe.

Together with his friends Carlos and Beth, and under the tutelage of Roman, Martin battles these demons in the guise of humans. The destiny of this ordinary teen is to save mankind from these soulless fiends and to avenge his mother’s death.